Today

I received a text message from my mom at 3:45 pm (eastern time) alerting me to the bombings in Boston. I had to read it several times and even then it didn't quite sink in. It couldn't be true. Never have I ever experienced a national tragedy that was connected to me on such a personal level. Nothing bad could happen in a city where people I love live. It took me three minutes to digest the news and then panic. I sent out two text messages, trying to reach the friends I love. I am not known for being a very emotional person but today I am. Today I've felt everything. For 8 long agonizing minutes I was sick with worry. Horrible theories and images raced through my mind while I stared at my phone waiting to hear back from my two friends. I cried out when my phone buzzed at 3:53 and I let happy tears run as I conversed with my friend about her safety. One down, one to go. Ten minutes passed before I found out my other friend was safe. I've never experienced time filled with so much dread as the minutes waiting for those texts. 

I watched as much of the news as I could stomach and I just can't sit through any more. I consider Boston my home away from home. I love the people there, I love everything about the city. I can't stop the silent tears and I can't understand the empty feeling inside me. All I want are answers. Why did this happen? Who could do this? Where do we go from here? But there aren't going to be any answers that satisfy me, I know this. 

I keep getting up and pacing my small apartment, feeling powerless and small and sadness and relief and uncertainty. And I know that people all over the world are feeling the same things I am. Senseless acts of violence are never understood. I cannot begin to imagine what the people of Boston are feeling if I, a mere outsider right now, am so lost and confused. I ache for them, I weep for them. 

All I know for certain is that when I see my two friends on my next Boston visit, I will tear up and I won't want to let them go. Hold tight to those you love and don't waste any time telling those who matter that you love them. 

And Boston, stay strong my city.