My 'Chin Up' Playlist for You

Having a bad day? A bad week? A bad year? Feeling kind of lost or scared or useless or just not that great? Here's my playlist to you. 

1. Shine the Light by Sugarland

2. My Wish by Rascal Flatts

3. Firework by Katy Perry 

and maybe you aren't a Katy Perry fan, fine that's ok...I guess. Here's a beautifully done acoustic version by Boyce Avenue

4. Play On by Carrie Underwood

5. Words by Train 

6. Little Miss by Sugarland

7. I Won't Let Go by Rascal Flatts

8. Perfect by Pink 

Pink not your cup of tea? Mine either. Here's Boyce Avenue again.

9. Nobody Ever Told You by Carrie Underwood 

10. Lost by Michael Buble 

11. Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine 

I get it, not everybody likes Florence. She's a little weird and her videos are WHACK. So here's a different version...and before you laugh because it's the Glee version, LISTEN TO IT BECAUSE IT'S INCREDIBLE YOU JUDGMENTAL JERKS. 

12. Shine by Keith Urban 

13. One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks 

 So feel better my friend. Enjoy these wonderful tunes and let the music fix your bad mood.

Remember I love you.

Dear 17 year old me,

Hey buddy. You excited to start senior year? You should be. I mean you've paid your dues, haven't you? Seriously, you survived pure hell middle school then made it through freshman year. Now look at you, seventeen and on top of the social heap. I told you good things were coming. This is a year of good things my friend. But I must warn you, this year is going to change everything...more on that later. 

First, some tips before you start your senior year. I know you're bummed because you had a lot of friends in the grade above you and they are gone now. This is going to become a theme of your life, friends leave and new ones come into your life. You get used to it and you'll learn to accept it. So for right now it's ok to be sad about all those people leaving. The sadness means that you really cared about those friendships and those people cared about you. Hold onto that feeling. But don't fret too long, you reconnect with old pals and you find new ones outside the boundaries of Downs. Savor every single good moment of this coming year. They are going to be some days, some flashes of brilliance that make you wish you could hit pause...relish that feeling. 

On basketball...

This is the year. Nothing overly amazing happens with the team. You guys don't make history and have a perfect season. You don't win the state championship. You don't even win County. But there are hard fought victories and annihilations and bitter losses and tears and laughter. There's even a game where a certain assistant coach spends the entire half time yelling at you...it pays off. The girls on the team become family and I want you to hug each of them extra tight after your last game. Tell each of them how much you'll miss them and how much you've enjoyed growing up with them. And here's why...because some of them you don't really talk to ever again. Some of them will go through changes and challenges as monumental as the one you'll soon be facing. That last locker room change remind the girls, and yourself, of the team mantra...TOGETHER. 

On Tri-Valley...

Walk through those front doors and be happy about it. You are getting a high school experience that many never receive and few understand. That small town vibe that you think you hate? Knock it off. Stop being ungrateful because that small town rescues you and your family in the coming months. Sure it's annoying that everyone knows your middle name and where you live and your favorite color and the name of your cat. In college you are going to meet people who didn't know the person they were sitting by at graduation. So be thankful that you were seated nice and snug next to one of your best guy friends and the blonde cheerleader you find endearing. 

Eat every bite of that school lunch that you can. I must be crazy right? Because school lunch is nasty...well let me hit you with some knowledge...the college you end you choosing has some of the grossest food ever. You eat that corndog and you like it! 

I don't feel like I need to give you any advice on the teacher front. You do pretty well there and take full advantage of their advice and willingness to help. So you just keep being your charming self. 

Stop procrastinating with homework. I have to say this because I hate that you do it. I don't know why I bother because it's a habit you keep all through college, idiot. 

Homecoming week. Just live it up. It's a blast. 

On life outside of Downs...

This is the year you really live outside of the Downs bubble. You meet some good friends and you make some hilarious memories. I just want to give you a heads up...these people are your best friends right now but it won't always be this way. These are the first friends you lose touch with. It sucks and you feel like the world is ending...but those people you were scrambling to expand away from back in Downs...they are still here and you love them very much. So don't cry too long for those you lose. 

On getting the rug yanked from underneath you...

I don't want to give you specifics. I don't want you to spend your whole senior year waiting for this to happen. I will tell you that it comes after your 18th birthday. I won't give you the exact date (although I can recite the day, the time, and what song came on your radio when you got in the car). Won't do it. I want you to live in the moment, not fear the future. This thing, this big awful knocks you clean on your ass. At first it won't feel real and you'll try to act like nothing has changed. Then you'll get incredibly sad, confused, and mad all at the same time. All these emotions will make you shut down. That's ok. People may not understand but you need time to process so don't apologize for coming to grips with it on your own terms. 

The day you go to the softball team and tell them your situation...shit this memory is still crystal clear in my mind. It takes you a couple tries to get out the choked words but you tell them. And it needed to be done. You feel just a little better letting them in. 

You will laugh again. It takes time, so don't worry, you haven't gone dead inside. It comes on a night after 4-H from an unlikely person being ridiculously silly and you'll laugh until you cry. You'll have forgotten how good it feels. 

Let people help you. I know this is hard but you can't do this alone. Everyone is just as confused as you and they want to be there. Let them hug you and wipe your tears away. Let them help carry your load. 

My other big concern for you is this...educate yourself properly. I know you won't know much, or anything at all, about your big awful at first. And it's ok to avoid it at first...at first being the key words. Swallow down the fear and hit the internet, ask questions, be the master of your own fate. It takes so long for you to learn to stand up for yourself and learn what is necessary. I wish you'd have done it sooner. But imperfections do exist. 

Here's a dash of hope for you...look at your team....

So love yourself. Keep your friends and family close. Take advantage of every opportunity given to you. Don't be afraid for we get through the big awful, we are winning a battle that seems impossible. Tell everyone you care about how much you love them because it flies by and everything can change in an instant. 

Stay charming and optimistic and funny and keep laughing. 

Love, 

Me

Where's the love?

Today I had a thought, a musing if you will. Why are people so horrible to each other? I stood dutifully at my post in a large retail store with my red polo tucked in and my name tag securely fastened, and was suddenly disgusted with the human race. Every day I either see, or come into contact with, a person being downright nasty to another human being. The tone of voice and the language people use to address each other is foul. The looks one gives another are just gross. And we as human beings are so used to this. We let these blows just slide right over us, without noticing how nasty we are to each other. Yes, it's a part of being human to be mean (I mean just listen to Taylor Swift's groundbreaking song 'Mean") and one shouldn't let these horrible things ruin their day....but why are these things even happening? Shouldn't you look at a person and feel compassion or even just a little familiarity towards them? Why do people harass the waiter who is just doing their job? Why does the cashier get snide remarks about policies they have zero control over? Why do we blame those who are only there to help? 

I'm not saying I'm innocent. I've gotten angry or fed up with someone I know has zero power. But why? What is inside each and every one of us that makes us act so negatively towards our fellow man? Impatience? Jealousy? Are we in such hurries to finish our mundane tasks that we are wiling to trod all over other people? Absolutely yes. I've been treated like an animal because a person is simply in a hurry. They know nothing about me. They don't know the cross I bear, the battles I've won and lost. They don't know the countless people I love or the thoughts in my head. 

If every person just took a breath and remembered we are all doing the best we can perhaps life would be a little sweeter. Maybe it would rid the world of traffic jams or unbearable lines at the grocery store or world hunger. Who freaking knows? A kind word or a smile or even a little patience goes a long way. Just remember to be kind to each other...because no one likes an asshole. 

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.    -Mark Twain

Southern Lessons

Here is a list of the things I have learned in the South (so far): 

1. Grits go with everything...don't ask why

2. Everyone down here is still mourning the Civil War...don't make jokes about the Confederates losing 

3. No one is too young or old to be called "sir" and "ma'am" 

4. The hottest part of the day is about 3:15 pm 

5. Do not call it pop...it's soda or Coke (please note Coke entails all flavors of pop, excuse me soda) 

6. Cookout is God's gift to Earth 

7. When ordering tea just assume they are going to bring you sweet tea...basically don't order tea

8. Good drivers don't exist 

9. When it rains, it monsoons...learn how to kayak 

10. When in doubt, just order deep fried food 

11. Nothing cures stress like a late day stroll on the beach 

These Two

I grew up with two siblings. An older brother and a younger sister. I am smack dab in the middle of them. I am 3.5 years, exactly, younger than my brother and 4 years 1 week older than my sister. Nice timing Mom. I have fuzzy memories of wanting nothing more than to hang out with my brother. Rumor has it he did not feel the same way. I have clearer memories of constantly trying to ditch my sister...she was the dingle-berry of my childhood. It never helped that she is my doppelganger, I was (and still am) constantly getting asked if we are twins. It's annoying. 

Growing up with them was no picnic. I remember fighting with them over everything. We fought over toys, food, TV, rooms...just everything and anything. Looking back I have no idea how my parents didn't just abandon us. We were all twats. I have a whisper of a recollection of someone (I can't remember who specifically) telling me that one day I'd be friends with the trolls I called my siblings...gross right? My young, undeveloped mind shuddered at the thought of actually wanting to spend time with these two. I mean just look at their faces...

Well a funny thing happened...I graduated from high school and started to spend real time with my brother. I discovered something...he was pretty fun to be around. Our time together centered around lively parties at his various apartments and general debauchery. Over time something shifted, it was a gradual change and soon he was a friend...not just a friend, a best friend. We shared laughs and tears and stories and heartbreak and beer...lots and lots of beer. He's become the epitome of a big brother...and now he actually does want to spend time with me. No one has fun quite like we do when we hit the town.

My sister. Is there any relationship more complicated than the one between sisters? Our younger days were spent torturing each other and competing over EVERY aspect of our lives. Then came the stage where we did our very best to just ignore the other's existence. Once I was almost out of college and she was almost out of high school the dynamic changed. This change was even more gradual than the one between my brother and me. My sister and I were having long, personal talks but could have a screaming match ten minutes later. I do recall telling my sister, mostly in jest, one day that "we were sisters, not friends" after she let the word friend slip. Now I can honestly say she is one of the very most important people in my life. We basically spend every waking moment together...it's disgusting. We have been through some impossible shit and we'll wade through more I'm sure. 

There is so much we've been through, the three of us. I've faced things with my brother that have been so important and life altering; while doing similar things with my sister. There are countless inside jokes and bizarre stories that only the three of us understand. Even our parents are left out of some of it. We exist in our own world where only a crazy person would try to enter...then get scared and leave. We know what the other is thinking by just looking at them and people are often completely lost when around us.

There is a fierce loyalty between the three of us that still surprises me. I never expected we'd be like this but damn I'm glad it has happened. It wasn't easy and there were times that I thought it was over, there were things I thought we couldn't conquer but we've seen it all. I know without a doubt that there is nothing we can't face together, no one who can out wit or out charm us. They are my best friends and favorite comedians. I feel sorry for any soul who is stupid enough to tangle with us. So to whoever said those words to me about them becoming my friends...you were right you wise sage, you were absolutely right. 

For the Love of Jordy

What an adorable little nugget, right? I remember very vividly going and picking up Jordy. Mom and I drove about an hour to look at a litter of puppies. We pulled up to some small house nestled right outside of Ash-something. The woman led us to her back yard and when we walked outside 7 little rollie pollies came charging at us. I initially had my eye on this tiny male and kept trying to get him to come see us. The tiny corgi refused and before I could call to him again the fattest, most rambunctious puppy climbed in my lap and attacked my face with kisses. I was dunzo. My little man had picked me. We drove home and then we when got out of the car at the house Jordy peed all over me at the sight of Apollo. 

Jords will be two in June and in August I'll have been his human for two years. He is a sassy little Princess and when he needs to be, he's the guardian of our castle. Here in the South he's earned the nickname "The Baby," he's also been known as L.F., Little Man, Jords, and Nugget. Some days he drives me insane and some days he's the most perfect little creature. But at the end of every day he's still my little guy. My sister and I say this all the time, "I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have a dog." And I do, every day. 

LOOK AT THAT BELLY 

My favorite smile

Courtesy of Kay Eles Photography http://www.facebook.com/kayelesphotography

Courtesy of Kay Eles Photography http://www.facebook.com/kayelesphotography

Courtesy of Kay Eles Photography http://www.facebook.com/kayelesphotography

Courtesy of Kay Eles Photography http://www.facebook.com/kayelesphotography

Currently playing

I, in no way shape or form, pretend to be "current" on my music listening habits or obsessions. When I hear a song I like it goes on repeat on my computer and then I tell everyone I can about the song. The response I get is always the same, "That came out like two years ago." Oh I'm sorry so music isn't good if you aren't listening to it right when it comes out? I blame hipsters. 

Here are the five songs I'm currently obsessed with (in no particular order), give 'em a listen. 

Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys ft that chick with the scary eyes 

I cannot get enough of this song. I probably could listen to it every day, all day and never get tired of it. Her vocal range is RIDICULOUS, in the best way possible. I don't even hate Minaj in this. 

La La by The Cab

This song is stupid catchy. I dare you to listen to it and not sing it the rest of the day. 

It Must Have Been Love by Roxette

Go big or go home...and man do I go big to this song. 

Drink on It by Blake Shelton 

If all the sloppy idiots in the bar would just try this approach, everyone would be happy. 

Great Big World by Ron Pope

I fell in love with this song the second I heard it. It just resonates with me and where my life is right now. Love love love it. 

Something about this place

The concept of falling in love with a place is odd. It can happen in different ways and to different degrees...it's kind of like falling in love with a person. It's something that happens to people all the time. Maybe a person vacations somewhere and falls in love, maybe they love their hometown with all they have. Much like loving people, loving a place is special. You don't simply love every physical space you ever encounter. If you did then it'd make the places you actually do love less special, less unique...less everything. 

I can honestly say I am in love with two places. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed other areas or seen enough cities, towns, nature, or what have you. And the locations from my childhood are hard to love because the memories are all fuzzy, like waking up from a dream and trying to remember details. The first time I had even given the concept of loving a place any thought was when I was looking at colleges. Everyone kept saying to me, "Oh when I walked on such and such campus I just KNEW! I LOVED THE PLACE!" Really? You set one foot on a strange college campus and fell instantly in love? Ok, fine maybe it does work that way for some people but not me. First time I set foot on NCC's campus I thought, "this place is stupid." Even after fours years I felt more or less the same way about Naperville and NCC's campus (this feeling has nothing to do with the people I met there). 

I think you all know where I'm going with this...I am unequivocally in love with Boston. DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YA? Jokes people. And hey this didn't happen instantly and when I realized I was in love with Boston I was shocked...I didn't even really see how much I loved it until my mother pointed it out. The first time I set foot in Boston I was scared shitless, for a couple reasons. I was scared of the whole NF2 thing and because it was so different, so strange of a place, and it happened to be pouring rain. The people there spoke funny and all of them are HORRIBLE at giving directions. Seriously, I can't even begin to count how many times I've ended up lost because of the natives. After a few frightful trips to the city a funny thing happened...I started to really feel the city. Being there was a breath of fresh air in a time of suffocation. It was an odd sensation, here was this city that should represent all the pain in my life and I was reveling in the atmosphere. The history of the city is simply beautiful and I am constantly learning new things about it. It's so difficult to describe how I feel about the city but I'm hooked. I've been going there almost 5 years now and just the thought of my next visit excites me. I've met some amazing people there and I've seen some awesome things. I always feel most alive there, like every one of my senses is on high alert (well my hearing is on as high alert as it can go...JOKES AGAIN). I will quit talking about the city and show you some pictures:

The second place I am in love with...well it's complicated. I love...sigh...I can't believe I'm saying this...Downs. I really do guys. And maybe I'm not in love with it the way I am with Boston but I love it. How could I not? Fifteen years of my life have been in that place. I grew up there. It's everything. And I didn't always love it. What high schooler loves their hometown? Please. I was the typical 18 year old who couldn't wait to get away. But then coming back to it...it was home, plain and simple. Downs gave me Tri-Valley and best friends and basketball and horses and Friday night football games and the best childhood ever.

And maybe now you're confused because um hello I completely up and left this place I'm claiming to love so much. That's where it's complicated and honestly I don't have to justify my decision to leave...Downs gets it and it'll always be there if or when I'm ready to come back. 

So there it is. The two places I'm for real in love with. I can't wait to add others to this list. 

And maybe I've done the worst job ever of describing this feeling or maybe you know exactly what I mean...once again it doesn't matter because this is my blog so obviously it's perfect. 

She saved the world...a lot (A Buffy post for my Buffy friends)

If you've never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer or know nothing about the show this post will mean absolutely nothing to you...turn back now...or maybe you're curious, come on in...

Maybe some of you have noticed (from my various Facebook posts) that I have been spending just about every free minute watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I went into this thinking "this is going to be stupid and I probably won't make it past a few episodes." I have never been so wrong and never been so happy about being wrong.

Yes this show can be campy and ridiculous and silly but not exclusively. The first season is kind of weak and leans more towards the nonsensical but oh sweet heavens does it get good. And when I watch a TV show I become completely engrossed. Thanks to Netflix I had the whole series at my finger tips. These characters became friends and I loved them, laughed with them, and cried with them. I am not ashamed of this.

I don't want to give anything away for those who haven't watched but it's often a heartbreaking show that has some very serious undertones/themes. What I especially loved was the different relationships on the show. More often than not shows lose sight of plotlines and character development to solely focus on the relationships between characters...not this one. The relationships were perfectly woven into story lines...well most of them...

So here is my ranking of the top 5 relationships (minus anything from season 7, I have not watched the last season yet...still recovering from season 6 *tear*)

1. Willow and Oz. These two, dear god I loved them so hard. When they go to Halloween as Joan of Arc and God...COME ON. Best costume ever. Even when he did the horrible, awful thing he did and then when he came back I was rooting for them to reunite. First loves man...

2. Willow and Tara. Ok, this is a close close second to Willow and Oz. Tara was shady as all hell for quite some time and I didn't like her. What's with the weird, shy, awkward thing? And why are you stuttering? (this later became endearing). I didn't trust her, shady shady shady. Then in season 5 I was all of a sudden like "YOU GO GIRL! YOU ARE PRECIOUS!" The true turning point was watching Willow take care of Tara after she'd gone insane...true love. And how adorable are these ladies together? Which made the end of season 6 damn near unbearable.

3. Giles and Jenny. THIS. I mean was there ever anything more perfect? I never recovered. I mean come on, they flirted over arguing about books and computers. Poor poor Giles. I can't even go on about this one...

4. Xander and Anya. I love Anya with everything I have. To me, she was one of the most interesting characters. Going from demon to human to demon. And when her and Xander confess how much they love each other I DIED. They were funny and adorable and eventually heartbreaking (I do not know what becomes of them in season 7 yet). They were often a breath of fresh air from whatever horrible relationship Buffy stumbled into.

5. Buffy and Angel. I guess if I have to include a Buffy relationship this is the one I don't completely hate. In my most humble opinion it was still annoying. She was a whiny 16 year old and he was too angsty and moody (smokin hot though). I HATED Riley...the guy was a douche. And right when I started to like Spike and Buffy he goes and attacks her in the bathroom. So really Angel wins by default. Congrats guys.

So there it is. My top 5. Feel free to argue with me...it won't matter because my opinion is the right one.