Dear 17 year old me,

Hey buddy. You excited to start senior year? You should be. I mean you've paid your dues, haven't you? Seriously, you survived pure hell middle school then made it through freshman year. Now look at you, seventeen and on top of the social heap. I told you good things were coming. This is a year of good things my friend. But I must warn you, this year is going to change everything...more on that later. 

First, some tips before you start your senior year. I know you're bummed because you had a lot of friends in the grade above you and they are gone now. This is going to become a theme of your life, friends leave and new ones come into your life. You get used to it and you'll learn to accept it. So for right now it's ok to be sad about all those people leaving. The sadness means that you really cared about those friendships and those people cared about you. Hold onto that feeling. But don't fret too long, you reconnect with old pals and you find new ones outside the boundaries of Downs. Savor every single good moment of this coming year. They are going to be some days, some flashes of brilliance that make you wish you could hit pause...relish that feeling. 

On basketball...

This is the year. Nothing overly amazing happens with the team. You guys don't make history and have a perfect season. You don't win the state championship. You don't even win County. But there are hard fought victories and annihilations and bitter losses and tears and laughter. There's even a game where a certain assistant coach spends the entire half time yelling at you...it pays off. The girls on the team become family and I want you to hug each of them extra tight after your last game. Tell each of them how much you'll miss them and how much you've enjoyed growing up with them. And here's why...because some of them you don't really talk to ever again. Some of them will go through changes and challenges as monumental as the one you'll soon be facing. That last locker room change remind the girls, and yourself, of the team mantra...TOGETHER. 

On Tri-Valley...

Walk through those front doors and be happy about it. You are getting a high school experience that many never receive and few understand. That small town vibe that you think you hate? Knock it off. Stop being ungrateful because that small town rescues you and your family in the coming months. Sure it's annoying that everyone knows your middle name and where you live and your favorite color and the name of your cat. In college you are going to meet people who didn't know the person they were sitting by at graduation. So be thankful that you were seated nice and snug next to one of your best guy friends and the blonde cheerleader you find endearing. 

Eat every bite of that school lunch that you can. I must be crazy right? Because school lunch is nasty...well let me hit you with some knowledge...the college you end you choosing has some of the grossest food ever. You eat that corndog and you like it! 

I don't feel like I need to give you any advice on the teacher front. You do pretty well there and take full advantage of their advice and willingness to help. So you just keep being your charming self. 

Stop procrastinating with homework. I have to say this because I hate that you do it. I don't know why I bother because it's a habit you keep all through college, idiot. 

Homecoming week. Just live it up. It's a blast. 

On life outside of Downs...

This is the year you really live outside of the Downs bubble. You meet some good friends and you make some hilarious memories. I just want to give you a heads up...these people are your best friends right now but it won't always be this way. These are the first friends you lose touch with. It sucks and you feel like the world is ending...but those people you were scrambling to expand away from back in Downs...they are still here and you love them very much. So don't cry too long for those you lose. 

On getting the rug yanked from underneath you...

I don't want to give you specifics. I don't want you to spend your whole senior year waiting for this to happen. I will tell you that it comes after your 18th birthday. I won't give you the exact date (although I can recite the day, the time, and what song came on your radio when you got in the car). Won't do it. I want you to live in the moment, not fear the future. This thing, this big awful knocks you clean on your ass. At first it won't feel real and you'll try to act like nothing has changed. Then you'll get incredibly sad, confused, and mad all at the same time. All these emotions will make you shut down. That's ok. People may not understand but you need time to process so don't apologize for coming to grips with it on your own terms. 

The day you go to the softball team and tell them your situation...shit this memory is still crystal clear in my mind. It takes you a couple tries to get out the choked words but you tell them. And it needed to be done. You feel just a little better letting them in. 

You will laugh again. It takes time, so don't worry, you haven't gone dead inside. It comes on a night after 4-H from an unlikely person being ridiculously silly and you'll laugh until you cry. You'll have forgotten how good it feels. 

Let people help you. I know this is hard but you can't do this alone. Everyone is just as confused as you and they want to be there. Let them hug you and wipe your tears away. Let them help carry your load. 

My other big concern for you is this...educate yourself properly. I know you won't know much, or anything at all, about your big awful at first. And it's ok to avoid it at first...at first being the key words. Swallow down the fear and hit the internet, ask questions, be the master of your own fate. It takes so long for you to learn to stand up for yourself and learn what is necessary. I wish you'd have done it sooner. But imperfections do exist. 

Here's a dash of hope for you...look at your team....

So love yourself. Keep your friends and family close. Take advantage of every opportunity given to you. Don't be afraid for we get through the big awful, we are winning a battle that seems impossible. Tell everyone you care about how much you love them because it flies by and everything can change in an instant. 

Stay charming and optimistic and funny and keep laughing. 

Love, 

Me